So yesterday I flew over to visit our Myvesta Netherlands office and got to spend yet more time flying around in a tin can. Now I’m a pilot and I love to fly, but it’s hard to really say that being a passenger is really flying. It’s more like riding the bus these days. I’d rather sit up front.

In the UK I have to give a two thumbs up to EasyJet who seems to do a consistently good job overall. While there is always room for improvement I think they make a good effort at good service. They remind me a lot of Southwest Airlines back in the states. And you know when you fly EasyJet you are going to get a “get in, sit down, and buckle up” experience, and if I’m just going from point A to point B in the UK or EU, that’s fine with me.

As the flight attendant started into her “even though you are a frequent flyer, please pay attention speech” I started to chuckle while looking at the safety card. All of a sudden some of the images looked so relevant to the IVA world as we know it at the moment.

I thought I’d share my proposed IVA safety presentation with you.

Ladies and gentlemen, I know you are all experienced and professional insolvency practitioners but for the next few years we will expect your undying obedience and undivided attention as the unregulated and self-serving pilot of this aircraft takes it wherever the hell he wants to. Your wishes and concerns be damned.

Your flight attendants and I are here for our convenience and not your safety. If there is anything you want, please feel free to not ask. And if you do ask, we will ignore you.

Before this flight departs to points unknown, I would like to draw your attention to the IVA safety card in front of you.

First, we are promising you a bumpy and uncertain ride in the next few months. I would suggest that you make sure that your lap belt is securely fastened and tightened to prevent you from striking your head on the ceiling when we swerve to hit as many consumers and air pockets as we can.

If you don’t know how to buckle a seatbelt, a flight attendant will be by in a few moments to drive a nail through your leg to hold it in place. And while that might seem a bit extreme, remember that we have taken over the IVA airlines and we fully intend to do whatever we damn well please.

Next, if you a solo Insolvency Practitioner we suggest that you adopt the following position as we try to bring the effectiveness of the Individual Voluntary Arrangement to a full and complete stop. While we would rather that you grab your ankles, we realise that might not be possible considering how tightly we have forced you to buckle your belt.

It’s bound to be a bumpy landing. Did I mention that we don’t care?

In case you are a group of Insolvency Practitioners that wants to help people with an IVA, we suggest that you adopt the following illustrated position below with your partners when you hear us scream with glee, “Kill the IVA, Kill the IVA”, Kill the IVA”.

In the near future, when we have abducted the skies and IVA ground control, you will have to jump through hoops to get anything approved. The following procedure for passing an IVA proposal forward for review is suggested.


While this process does not look efficient or logical, remember we have our own needs and reasons for what we do. You will note that while the IVA proposal could be passed directly forward, we demand that you go out and purchase a special case that suits us. You will slide the case under the seat in front and we will internally pass the proposal forward and if we feel like it we might consider it. Please note that all proposals are individually and carefully reviewed before being rejected and put in the yellow bag.

In the event of the really bumpy water landing that we are so hoping for, we urge you to reach under your seat and grab the life vests we have placed there for your staff members. Please place the vest of each staff member as shown and be sure to tighten the belt to cut off all circulation to the left leg. You can then pull on the red handle all you want to inflate the vest, but nothing will happen. We felt that compressed air was unnecessary, so deal with it

When we fully manage to kill IVAs and the Consumer IVA or SIVA, please exit the craft through the marked exists as shown. And oh yes, have a nice day.


Here is another version of the flight safety presentation you might enjoy as well.


Keep This In Mind Next Time You Fly