The Very Personal & Private Story of Myvesta's Founder, Steve Rhode
A long time has passed since 1990. Strange, but that doesn't matter. My heart still begins to race as I consider telling you about what I feel was my biggest mistake. I feel branded for life. It's a painful feeling that I can never shake and I know millions of others feel the same way.
You see, we all have the same secret. We are people who went bankrupt. As a "lifer" in the bankruptcy club, I know the inside dirt. There is no secret handshake, because you don't want anyone else to know you're a member.
The bottom line is that the pain never really goes away. As the years go by, it's duller but still there.
Some say bankruptcy today has lost its stigma. But they can say that only because they have never been through it.
When my money troubles started, I found myself unable to sleep. I was constantly trying to figure out a solution to my dilemma.
I'd wake up at 2 am in a cold sweat. Sometimes I would bolt out of bed with my heart racing, feeling an overwhelming sense of panic. Night after night the fear would jolt me out of bed.
The same thoughts would run laps around my mind, "What am I going to do. This is a mess. I'm responsible. I've got to find a way out. God, please help me."
I thought my situation was bad. Although I was still up to date with my bills, I recognised that trouble was around the corner. I saw the gun pointed at me before the shot rang out. Staring down the barrel of financial misfortune, I knew it was only a matter of time before the trigger was pulled in my face. People experience fear for many reasons - fear of attack, fear of injury. But fear from money troubles can be as debilitating as the thought of your foot caught in the tracks as the train races towards you.
How did I get to the "Take me Lord," dark-of-night panic attacks? Had I been foolish with my money? Not really.
While I had made some misguided financial decisions, I had not intentionally run up my debt to try to get away with something.
You see, I had left my 12-year career, and started my own estate agency development business. Things had initially gone very well, but suddenly that stopped as the economy faltered.
My debt had slowly grown ever since we had married in 1982. Much of it was distraction spending. The kind of stuff people do every day and the kind of debt that gets you in trouble. Then, beyond my control, a sale I needed in order to pay my growing bills had fallen through. I never saw the economic downturn coming in the late 1980's. It came like a train wreck and tossed a lot of us developer-types into the life grinder. We came out the other end like bloody hamburger.
My wife and I saw the handwriting on the wall and contacted our creditors to let them know what was going to happen. I was surprised by their reaction: "You're current so we can't help. Call back when you fall behind." I was trying to solve the problem before it got really bad, but they were telling me I had to hit rock bottom before they could help. That approach wasn't working, so I looked to other sources for help.
So charitable credit counselling services wouldn't help me until I fell behind on my bills, but once I did, their minimum payment was too high for me to afford. I really didn't need just a payment programme. What I searched for was someone I trusted to tell me the truth about my situation and give me the honest advice I needed to take action. I really needed to find someone to spend time with me to show me the way to deal with all of the issues that my financial problems were causing in my life. I searched everywhere for help.
Soon we fell behind and collectors began to call. They called my home, my neighbours homes and homes of people who lived near my family. One morning a guy even pulled in my driveway as I walked out the front door, whipped his car around, stuck a camera out the window and took a picture of me and my house. I've always wondered if he had been sent by one of my creditors. It was weird.
Once the collectors started calling, I wanted the calls to stop, the pressure grew even tougher and I scrambled to figure out an action plan. But, by that time, I was too deeply involved to think clearly or see a solution. I needed an outsider, a professional, who was experienced at such matters to help me find my way. All I knew was that at the time we could not find a solution that would satisfy my creditors and get us out of the mess. The pressure, stress, anxiety and panic attacks were becoming too much to take. I watched for symptoms of a heart attack because I now had almost constant chest pain.
I couldn't understand how all this could be happening to my wife and I, along with our three-year-old daughter. We had recently let a nice home in a great area. It was a terrific house with a deeply wooded, private back yard and a close-to-everything location. Little did I know that my world was about to crash around me.
You see it was Christmas time. While everyone else was celebrating the holiday season I was frantically searching for a solution to my money troubles. Trying to offer my wife and daughter a happy holiday season and deal with the money problems was almost impossible. To this day I still cannot bring myself to watch videotapes of that holiday season without tensing up. I turn away.
One day it was clear we could no longer afford the roof over our heads or afford to put food on the table. We had to move out of our home and move in with my parents. It was a humiliating experience for a 31-year-old family man but it was either that or be homeless. We ended up living with them for three years.
We sold everything we could, including my car, to pay what we could of the bills. I was so broke that I purchased a used van at an auction for a couple of hundred pounds. It was a death trap, had no heat, and if you turned sharply it wanted to roll over. It was all I could afford.
Without a solution in sight I was running out of options and time. Things just kept getting worse and the search for a solution had gone on for months now.
One day I saw an advertisement about bankruptcy. I called the solicitors office and an appointment was made for a few days later.
We went in and met the solicitor, who was very persuasive. I had no way of knowing if she was the best person to help us. I had to trust what she said was what I needed to do. She told us bankruptcy would solve our problems. It would make the creditors, who were unwilling to listen to our situation, stand up and take notice. She said we would get a fresh start. It wasn't a perfect solution, but it seemed like my only option. After all, the charitable credit counselling service had turned us away. We did not want to bankrupt. We wanted a solution and we needed help. Without any other apparent option available, we reluctantly decided to file for bankruptcy - a huge mistake at the time.
I felt the bankruptcy process was humiliating, dirty, shameful and disgusting.
The day we had to appear at a bankruptcy hearing finally arrived. We met our solicitor at the meeting place. She didn't recognise us at first. We'd only spent a short period of time with her during the first meeting.
The meeting took place in a crowded room filled with sad and unhappy people. We took some free seats in the "take a number" section.
I looked around the room. In one corner sat a couple who looked scared, nervous and frightened. They looked like us. On the other side of the room was a guy who looked like he couldn't care less with a woman holding a crying baby. The rest of the faces were blank and silent.
Although the remaining seats were occupied, nobody talked or exchanged glances. We felt like losers. We screwed up and we were going to pay the price. There wasn't a second of joy to be felt in the room.
They called our names and we went and we took an oath and positioned the microphones to record our statements. I had to state my name and declare that I was pennyless and unable to pay my bills. I know the trustee asked some questions, but I was so frightened that I can't remember any of them. It was over in a matter of minutes. The final discharge would arrive in the mail. As we walked out of the meeting there were no faces of winners. There were no cheers or pats on the back. It was quiet and silent.
I never saw or heard from the bankruptcy solicitor again and the solicitor never provided any help afterwards. We were left alone.
Going bankrupt changed me.
Before becoming bankrupt I had been a guy who was decisive. For nearly two years after bankruptcy I moved through the days in a fog. I had lost all of my self-worth, self-esteem and self-confidence. This is a natural reaction to a life changing event which strikes at the very core of who we are. Our financial station in life, success and even what we have is critical to our self-esteem.
Here is the truth the solicitor never told me and I didn't realise before. While bankruptcy might fall off my credit report after 10 years, for the rest of my life I will always be a person who had been bankrupt.
So after reading this far you might think that I hold some ill will towards the bankruptcy solicitor, I do not. Bankruptcy is a legal and viable option when it is needed but what disgusted me most about the situation was that when we desperately wanted to take action to resolve our financial problems there was not anyone, even the charitable organisations, that could provide real customised and tailored solutions and intervention to meet our situation.
Who knows, maybe bankruptcy would have been inevitable but at the very least we deserved a chance to work with someone that could help us put together our best chance of working things out with our creditors so we did not have to file bankruptcy.
Because of this, once I recovered from the experience, I vowed to help others in that same situation so that they would have options and solutions other than bankruptcy. That passion and commitment has lead us to where you are right now, reading this and about to ask us for help.
It makes perfect sense for you to call us right now and let us share with you the many options you have other than bankruptcy. There is absolutely no obligation when you call, let's just talk. You can even call us for free on 0800 1116 885 or complete the online information request form so we can help you find your path for free.
